It’s the beginning of the first full week of 2020. I want to start recording my progression on a weekly basis, so I’ll do my best to recap my life with these posts.
To shed some light of my unexpected hiatus – work started to kick me in the balls right around PAX West in late August. At this point, it was a combination of pure exhaustion from traveling, emotional battles with my family, my own insecurities about myself, and learning a lot of new skills for work.
I would come home late because I would be working so hard and preparing all the things for the game launches. Then once I got home, all I wanted to do was just eat dinner, watch TV, then go to sleep. I wouldn’t say I’ve lost interest in streaming, but it is definitely a lot of energy and effort to Go Live, and I couldn’t fake it even if I wanted to do, so I’d rather just not do it, y’know?
One day after another, I just gotten lazier and lazier, even my own mental health got the best of me. I couldn’t figure out why or what it was but sometimes being on social media just made me feel so depressed.
December came rolling by, and I was actually very excited to have a week and a half to completely bum the eff out and just focus on gaming and even get back into the good habit of streaming.
However… I lost my Grandma a few days before Christmas. It was an emotional rollercoaster week. Thoughts of “Am I grieving right?” or “Why am I not crying more?” clouded my mind. But I think it was because I was mentally prepared for a long time that I knew it was going to happen. I visited whenever I could, but it was getting tougher and tougher to see her become so frail, that I knew that her time was approaching soon.
Also, I had originally planned to finally clean out my game room since it’s still filled with boxes, but with the passing of my Grandma, that was on hold. But this also worked out in a way because after a long family discussion, I might be moving back to my grandparent’s place. With most of my stuff still in boxes, the move will be a bit easier and it’s possible I can properly Marie Kondo everything too.
Soooo… that is the beginning of my year. It’s been real rough and emotional, but I’m looking forward to 2020 to be an interesting year for my personal life, my career, and with streaming.
I will see y’all next time.